I woke up in the middle of the night all anxious and thirsty the other night. I realized it was b/c my parents are going out of town next week and they will be leaving my dumbshit brothers in the house for 4 days straight. I don't know how ppl, once they are in their 50s, can forgot how a teenager thinks.
Yes they are going to have friends over.
Yes they are going to get their smoke on.
Yes they are going to light their farts on fire over the fine china that only gets used at Thanksgiving.
I know this because I did these things. And not to be a Nark, but I don't want my younger brothers to do these things b/c I know how many times I came close to complete disaster and near death as a teenager. Like one time when my parents were out of town, my friends got a little drunk and started going into the swimming pool room in the middle of the night. The next morning, I realized how lucky I was that I didn't wake up and find "Megan" floating upside down DEAD in the pool. That same friend also pooped in my parents toilet and clogged it. How lucky was I that it was only clogged and not raining poop the next morning.
Sooo SEEEE, I think I'm justified in not wanting my brothers to have fun b/c whatever I did, I'm sure they'll do it 10x worse.
Oh, and last time my bros were left home alone, they lost the dog b/c they were getting high w/ friends. And instead of searching endlessly, they gave up looking for her (Vespa) b/c they had resigned themselves to assuming that she'd been eaten by a coyote or gotten her head trapped in a metal bear trap or something. I really can't handle these people, they give me hemroids w/ worry.
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3 comments:
I did not go swimming. I only dipped a toe in and threatened to hump the side of the pool.
hahaha, look at the profound impact you've had on my life
Well said.
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