To Whom It May Concern

Rob recently pointed out to me that I apply to jobs with complete disregard, and most of the time, it's a pretty half-assed application. If an organization is hiring, I will apply. If they are not hiring, I will spam them with a cover letter, resume, and a bag of scented glitter. I've realized that this has actually become a bit of a sick pasttime where I apply, maybe get a callback, and then I never call back. This may not be productive, but it's surely not boring.

I think most of my applications are pretty much in the following vain-


To Whom It May Concern:

I am applying for the position of Surgeon at John Hopkins Medical Hospital. I have little to no experience in medicine or science. However, I did major in Political Science, which as we all know, is a science.

I am a quick learner and a hard worker which will aide me well in this rigorous position. Additionally, I attended a university that has led me to believe, falsely or not, that I am better than most other people. This confidence serves me well in highly pressurized situations that requires one to make accurate decisions under tight time constraints.

In conclusion, I believe I could be a great Surgeon if given the opportunity. My ability to synthesize large quantities of information and juggle diverse tasks will allow me to learn quickly on the job, and I will soon learn how to not vomit at the sight of humanly fluids or be repulsed by infected naughty parts.

Best Regards,
Christmas Jones