Potty Talk

I try and I try, but no matter my effort, I can't get used to toilet talk. Ah, the office restroom, where gossip goes down, hands get washed, and co-workers try to converse with you while you are just trying to have an intimate moment. And once they start talking to you, the acoustics of nature are only amplified. Either you talk back to them, blabbering something incoherent because you are too distraught by the sound of your own stream, or you say nothing in response and you both listen to the deafening sound of pee splashing water, or in my case, all over my leg. I feel like that neurotic character on Ally McBeal that had a toilet remote and needed a "fresh bowl," except I can't handle people talking to me on the pot and will stop at nothing to avoid being stuck in a stall beside a friendly co-worker.